Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Anya on July 6, 2010 at 3:06pm

I personally believe there are men out there who are willing to wait. Its just a matter of finding the right one for you. I know some times it seems like an impossible task, waiting for mr. right to come about, but its worth the wait.

As far as your first question, i think there are alot of us who have experience the loss or potential loss of a bf or gf over sex. But in my the biggest part of a relationship and love is respect and if the person you're with loves and respects you as much as they say. They would be more than willing to sacrifice sex in the short time to have you in the long term. On the other hand a healthy person rationing sex when married is another subject all together, i can see where that can cause major problems and confusion.

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Permalink Reply by TheSoctress on July 21, 2010 at 8:42pm

Thanks Anya for your response. I feel like, in our society, many men and women but, men especially, think and feel as though it's only a matter of TIME before sex happens, if they're dating/with a woman. In some rigid and strict countries I think there is an assumption that the woman will remain a virgin until she is married. However, in our country and in many parts of the West, that assumption is not really there. I think a lot of men assume that they will have to at least wait a little bit, before they actually "get it." I think they generally don't assume that the woman is going to wait until marriage, at least not anymore. So, sometimes, it seems like a woman, in our society, who wants to wait until marriage, will have a difficult time finding someone who is willing to wait. But, like you said, there ARE men out there who who are willing to wait, I just think it's hard to find, in today's society.

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Permalink Reply by Patrice Myles on July 21, 2010 at 7:52pm

The answer to this question depends entirely on the type of foundation the relationship was built upon. If from the start you made your position clear about pre-martial sex then your potential partner has to make the decision if this is the path he/ she wishes to follow. However, if you began the relationship with your freak flag flying and realized that you wanted to make a change then you owe it to the other person to communicate this in a calm respectful way ( remember YOU are the one flipping the script) and let them make that call to proceed or withdraw.
That being said, there is something incredibly selfish about a person who uses sex as a manipulation tool. It shows a lack of care and regard for the other persons needs. This is grounds for separation because you are in effect holding someone back from leading a happy and fulfilled life.

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Permalink Reply by TheSoctress on July 21, 2010 at 8:50pm

Hey Patrice,
I appreciate your response. "Freak flag flying." LOL! I agree, in that, both people can hold each other back from leading a happy and fulfilled life, the person who wants sex and the person who doesn't. That's why it's so important to be upfront and honest about you're looking for and what you want. This will save time and drama. I don't understand why people are not upfront sometimes cause, what you're really looking for eventually comes out. A person can only put up a front for so long until they get tired or slip up and their true feelings and desires show through.

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Permalink Reply by Patrice Myles on July 21, 2010 at 10:54pm

It's the whole dating/ new relationship representative that we have all sent out at one time or another before we introduce our REAL selves. The need to "put your best foot forward" only works out if you are showing the best of who you actually are not what you think the other person wants you to be. I'm not suggesting you eat with you hands while on a date like you might at home on the couch but there is a such thing as false advertising. For example, If you don't smoke then dont say it's cool for your date to do so just to be agreeable.Things like this set a precedent that can be confusing later down the road. A friend once said that dating and the start of new relationships can sometimes be like a job interview and you never want to be the dummy that lies on your resume and gets fired :~)

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Permalink Reply by TheSoctress on July 22, 2010 at 11:49am

Haha! You're funny and you've got some wisdom! Always nice to chat with someone who has some wisdom.

Thanks for your responses!

Chanel

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Permalink Reply by Patrice Myles on July 22, 2010 at 5:28pm

Thank you for bringing up such an interesting subject. My friends and I had a good time discussing this one.

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Permalink Reply by Genae M. on March 1, 2011 at 6:47pm

Oh man....I am so excited to see a post on this!. The idea of no intimacy until marriage has been getting me horrible ratings with guys. When I tell them I don't want to engage in that act without being married their reactions are as if I told them I'm a man.LOL. I believe we have become a microwave society in some sense. No one wants to take the time and develop something solid, wholesome, and pure. We want things instant and now. I have come to the realization that I am going to have to develop a great sense of patience and discernment in selecting candidates. I say discernment because a lot of men take idea of "I'm saving myself for marriage" as a challenge. So instead of being honest and sharing that they don't agree with your ideals they secretly set out to be manipulating. My mother calls them "wolves in sheeps clothing". They do and say everything right, however, at the end of the day they are deceitful and conning. I have made the decision to take a tougher road in search of an eternal bond. So many people have bought into the idea that nothing last forever that they don't even want to work towards something that could last a lifetime when handled properly. I'm willing to wait for someone who shares my ideals.

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Permalink Reply by Barney Jo on April 12, 2011 at 2:25am

My ex pretended like he was okay with me choosing to wait for marriage, then a few months later became too touchy feely and tried to brainwash me into fornication by telling me that nobody is going to agree to wait and that if I find someone who does, he is either gay or getting it from somewhere else. I kicked him to the curb and I am still standing by man choice.

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