Live Your Most Beautiful Life
At a time when interracial relationships are increasingly accepted and on the rise across the United States, more non-black men are expressing interest in dating black women but are curious re: how to court and date black women. (If you don't believe it, check out online forums and Q&A websites where non-black men are increasingly asking for advice on how to court a black woman that caught their fancy). Here are some of our tips on dating black women today:
1) Black women are not a monolith: While we titled this article, "How to Date a Black Woman," we simultaneously acknowledge and stress the fact that you cannot overgeneralize the "black female identity." In other words, black women are not a monolith. Despite what the media or stereotypes say, you must approach every woman as a unique identity with a beautiful story worth reading. Don't assume that just because a woman happens to be black that you automatically understand how her mind works, or that you know her background or her personality. Despite how a woman may appear on the outside, her heart is beating fingerprintthat you will never fully know or study through another person.
2) Dismiss the stereotypes:We already covered this topic in the previous point, but we believe it is worth stressing as a point onto itself. Everywhere you look, there is a stereotype about black women staring you in the face. If we aren't a gyrating sexual vixen on your television screen, we are generally stereotyped as loud/obnoxious, ghetto, asexual, or downright mean and hard to get along with. Don't believe the hype. Despite what you may hear or how the media portrays black women, you should seriously avoid defining real black women according to how you've been improperly instructed to view them. You cannot understand any woman based on generalized/simplified categorization. You must get to know a woman as if she is a new book onto herself with chapters upon chapters to read and discover.
3) Be sensitive to her societal experiences:You may not have been told this, but I will go ahead and let you know: many black women believe that only black men can be sensitive to the issues they face in society on a day to day basis. Women want to know that you can listen to them and understand them and their experiences. They do not want their partner to dismiss their experiences or brush off their take on situations as "overly emotional" or simply "missreading a situation." If a woman believes that you don't truly want to understand her, she won't be emotionally available to you. For example, if you are a dating a woman who calls you and tells you that she believes that a negative situation that happened at work was racially motivated, you should fully listen to her concerns and try to understand where she is coming from with her take on a situation. While you may not be able to empathize with her, she will appreciate your willingness to comprehend the situation.
4) Hair, hair, and more hair: While black women are not a monolith, the one issue that ties us all together is the issue of hair. Hair continues to be a hot button issue in the black community. If you don't understand why, I encourage you to read blogs dedicated to black women, where many go into detail re: all the issues involved re: the historical and modern day politicization of black hair. We also recommend watching Chris Rock's movie, Good Hair, as well as YouTube documentaries about black hair, like Aaron Ranen's documentary about the controversies involved in the black hair industry. We also recommend that you watch the movie, Something New(starring Sanaa Lathan), featuring some complexities of interracial dating between a black woman and a white man in America today. That said, be sensitive when discussing black hair. Making assumptions about how she takes care of her hair is a really bad idea. If you are curious about her hair, earnestly ask her questions about it without any assumptions attached. An open conversation about hair and how she chooses to take care of her tresses will get a lot of your questions answered.
5) Don't be afraid to approach her:I have heard many non-black men tell me, "I really want to date a black woman, but I think she will reject me if I approach her." This is a belief among many men who admire black women from a distance but won't approach her out of fear of outright rejection. We understand that men have a fear of getting rejected by women, but you must let go of that fear. You will never know if a woman is going to be emotionally open to you unless you approach her and introduce yourself. You don't need any fancy lines or gimmicks. If you see a woman (either on an online dating site or in person) that you want to get to know, all you need to do is introduce yourself and start a conversation. You may be surprised by how such a simple approach gets the response that you are hoping for. Ultimately, a woman prefers that you approach her with respect. Once you open that door, you can begin exploring a new relationship with a woman that could very well be the perfect woman for you.
-Written by: Cafe Belle's Relationship Barista