Comment

Comment by tina on October 10, 2010 at 8:35pm

@ La Vie En Rose--> Love it! ahh nothing like a great love story (and such a cute one at that). I don't know if I would have had the guts to do the whole finger on the chest thing. Actually, I know that I wouldn't have had the guts to do the whole finger on the chest thing. lol. But I am so glad that it worked for you.

@ Bluebutterfly- true, true. I do know some guys that are too shy to approach a woman they are attracted to, but I almost feel like I would respect him more if he approached me, regardless of his shyness. That being said, most of my girlfriends who are seeing someone, have almost all made the first move. So def. something to think about.

@ Everyone
Now don't get me wrong here .. I do get approached and enjoy a good flirtatious exchange. I take care of myself and am happy with career goals and accomplishments. I am just talking about guys like TJ Holmes (see video on Inspirational men :) Guys like that, you just don't run into everyday. He is not the type of you would meet in a restaurant, train, or coffee shop. I am not talking about your everyday guy, who is "cute" and working on getting his act together. I am talking about that guy who has his stuff together- completely. Those are not the type of guys that usually make up the dating pool. Those are the type of guys I am talking about. Now granted, you all maybe right., esp. about the guy who looks perfect but really could be a jerk, but I still think it fair to say that their is something about these guys that is a little intimidating. I sure that you all can agree...at least to a little extent. That the single, God fearing, handsome, confident, and successful is just a tab bit intimidating.

Comment by Bluebutterfly on October 10, 2010 at 7:42pm

@Tina.. there is nothing wrong with approaching a man.. why wait for him to approach you? I believe that many women miss out because they are waiting. What's the worst that can happen, he can tell you he's not interested. When meeting someone, there are always risk involved on both parts. I'm married, but I had no problem approaching a man if I found him interesting. Who says that men have to always make the first move. You would be surprised how many men are shy and don't know how to approach a woman....

Comment by La Vie En Rose on October 10, 2010 at 5:54pm

Oh, one other thing -- I've learned through experience that there are no perfect men (or people, period). So that guy you think is the perfect package -- sure he may be really great, but we all have our flaws, weaknesses and shortcomings.

Comment by La Vie En Rose on October 10, 2010 at 5:52pm

My current boyfriend meets the criteria of a man I would have found intimidating in the past: very smart, very accomplished, very (very handsome), well-traveled, charming, confident personality, etc. When I was younger, I would have thought a guy like this would be unattainable, and I would have been too shy to know what to do with him.

Luckily for me, when we met, I was kind of feeling myself. After years of working out, I had gotten into pretty good shape, was dressed to the nines, content with life, my own accomplishments, really doing my thing... That's probably why he didn't intimidate me - and instead of feeling scared of him, I actually did something very unusual (blame it on his pheromones..) He approached me to talk, and after chatting it up a few minutes, I turned to leave -- but not before I put my finger on his chest (yes, I know, ladies..) and told him that "You should give me your card.." Sistas.. needless to say, he gave me that damn card.. but I didn't have to use it! He actually tracked down my contact information through a mutual acquaintance and got in touch with me that same night! We started dating two weeks later and have been inseparable ever since.

Over two years later, I have no regrets and I'm so glad that I was not intimidated by this great guy. Moral of the story: when you are confident with yours, you won't feel intimidated by any (nice) man.

Comment by tina on October 10, 2010 at 4:56pm

Interesting Bluebutterfly.. you are okay with approaching these guys? I know it sounds really old school, but I always thought that if you approach a guy, he will never respect you as much in the long run. Granted I don't date a lot, but have you had success with that?

Comment by tina on October 10, 2010 at 4:53pm

@ Dee- Glad to hear that I am not the only one.

@kris- umm seriously...you know a bunch of black men that would be considered "intimidating." Mind letting the rest of us know where they are hiding. lol. No but seriously, you are right, I should put them on a pedestal. I am glad you grew out of it (I hate to admit it, but every decade or so, I run into a man who is just so perfect!). but yes, as you pointed out, they are guys too. I guess that is where knowing yourself and being confident in your own skin comes into play.

Comment by Bluebutterfly on October 10, 2010 at 4:53pm

I beleive that there are those men out there that we women want...but I also beleive that some men "knows" what it is that we want and put on a front to attract us. They are respectful, open doors, the whole nine, until we get to know them. The only way to see if the are the "real deal" is approach them, talk to them and get to know them. If they are truely who they say they are, it wll shine through... BUT if they are wearing a mask just to get your attention, eventually the mask will come off and the "real deal" will reveal themselves. The only way to find out is to approach them and get to know them....

Comment by Kris on October 10, 2010 at 3:33pm

Hm, this is a great blog post! Very thought-provoking. I know a bunch of black men that would be considered "intimidating," but I don't like applying the word "intimidating" to them. I think these guys are "intimidating" from an objective, societal standpoint, as these guys appear rare in society overall. However, any man (or any person for that matter) that appears to be intimidating should not be placed on a pedestal (which is what I think we secretly do in our minds when we categorize another as "intimidating"). Once we stop looking at someone as intimidating, we see them for who they really are, they are a lot more approachable, and become a lot more "normal" objectively overall.

When I was younger, I used to have little secret crushes on guys and was incredibly intimidated by them when I was around them. As I grew older, I realized that I shouldn't be intimidated by great guys, and that I had to stop separating them out from the rest of other guys as if they are standing several feet taller than everyone else. Every guy is unique, and women should feel comfortable approaching those they find intimidating to see whether the man is really "all that." :) In addition, approaching these guys is a great way to see whether he is interested in you as well. :)

Comment by Destiny (Dee) Devon on October 10, 2010 at 2:42pm

I totally agree! Something abou these guys just throws you off, but he's exactly what you want! Hopefully the next time one comes my way, I think of something to say..love this!